You Are Still Growing: Mental Health Monthly

Author’s Note: Please note that I am not a mental health professional, and what I’ve written herein is not intended as a substitute for professional help. If you are feeling overwhelmed or lost, 60 Digital Resources for Mental Health may help you seek out professional resources to fit your specific needs.

I always thought I knew exactly what I wanted for my life: To be the most interesting and badass person anyone had ever seen. I wanted a career that made people say, “Wow. Your life is awesome. YOU are awesome.” So, once I found my career of choice as a theatrical sound designer, my focus was the end result of a great job that would give me the most exciting life. Why waste time doing anything that was not getting me to where I wanted to be?

In college, I was surrounded by others who felt the exact same way. We scoffed at any class that wasn’t in our major, free time meant wasted time and we hung on every word our professors spoke about our career futures. So many times, I was told, “This will be an AMAZING opportunity for you! You have to do this for your future.” Or “Why are you doing that instead of focusing on your major? You’re getting distracted.” I was told that in the theatre business, you had to eat, sleep and breathe the work to achieve your goals, so all of my decisions were based on my career. Nothing else mattered, including my happiness. I would be happy when I got to the career of my dreams, so I wanted to get there fast. Tunnel. Vision. Activated.

So, I took the eat, sleep and breathe mentality and ran with it. Taking every piece of advice from professors at face value, doing what everyone else was doing exactly the way they did it for fear of being left behind, never once stopping to think for myself or question anything I was being told. No time for questions or doubt or confusion. Though I felt all of those things almost every day, it felt like it was too late for that. I had gone too far on this path. And if I just held out a little longer, my happy life would be there for me at the end. When I left school, I got a job that I knew would continue my mission to get to my happy ending as fast as possible. But when I got there, I realized something my one-track mind had never picked up on before- this WAS my life. And I not only had I missed a lot of it, I was unhappy with it.

For years, I was so afraid to fall behind or make a mistake, I’d let so many chances to discover and grow pass me by. I think of so many classes I could have taken just for the experience, so many times I would have loved to try a hobby or join a club to make new friends. I never allowed myself to ask “I wonder what that would be like?” or do something “Just for the fun of it”. I was drowning under the pressure of these career goals that, though too afraid to admit it, I didn’t even want to be pursuing anymore.

I was too afraid to admit it because that meant starting over. And that was terrifying. I sat with all of this for a long time. Going back and forth, feeling up and down and finally I allowed myself to admit that my path had changed. I no longer wanted to pursue the goals I had started with. I felt lost and afraid of what my future might look like now that I was back at the starting line. I thought, “I am so behind now, how will I ever find my happy life?” I now realize that allowing myself to choose my own happiness above all else was the moment I opened the map on that path of my happy life. Not to find the next destination, but to allow myself to explore every avenue.

These days, I have begun to grow from a person who bulldozes through life into a person that is examining, questioning, discovering, and enjoying the life that is happening around me. I am allowing myself to dive deep into hobbies such as cooking and reading. I am taking opportunities to try new and exciting projects, like being a part of The Ampliverse! And I am now building a career in mental health media creation that gets me jumping out of bed every morning. I am taking it slow and LOVING IT. Because I am having the opportunity to grow more than I ever have before. And I am doing it my way, and with a smile on my face. Difficult moments still come up, there are still days where I feel unhappy, but after experiencing many unhappy moments in life, I have begun to get better at finding what I can learn from them instead of allowing them to consume me. Most importantly, I am able to tell the difference between an unhappy roadblock that I can easily move around and when I have started down a path where I will find nothing that brings me joy.

I love to think about my college days, because that tumultuous part of my life helped me become the person writing to you today. I’m not ashamed of the failures I had back then because they’ve helped me through all of the mistakes and failures I have and will continue to have in life. I don’t fear setbacks or mistakes anymore, because even though they are scary in the moment, I now know that when they pass, I will be left with something I have learned that will contribute to who I am. That is what growth looks like.

Growth can take all forms and move in many directions. So often we are tempted to only talk about the good stuff. We strive to create a highlight reel that others will be impressed by. But other people don’t have to live your life, YOU do. The way you choose to live it and the path that your growth takes is all your own, and every moment is awesome. YOU are awesome.

I want to offer a few affirmations to help in your moments of growth:

·  Slow does not mean late

·  Self-discovery is exciting in every form

·  Happiness is not just at the end of the path, but all around me right now

·  There is something to learn in every moment, even the unhappy ones

·  I don’t have to let fear make my decisions

·I have the strength to keep going, but I don’t need to if I am unhappy

And here are a few things you might check out to find inspiration, new perspective, and to help you on your next path of self-discovery:

Listen

• On Purpose with Jay Shetty - Any episode of this podcast will give you the inspiration you might need to focus inward and make your happiness and well being a priority in your life.

• Demi Lovato: Dancing with the Devil... the Art of Starting Over - On this record, Demi Lovato opens herself up and lets us in on her emotions surrounding her journey to recovery and her moments of self discovery. Her powerful vocals, packed with emotion, will inspire you to grow and evolve into a happier you.

• “Not My Fathers Son” from Kinky Boots - This song is truly all about the power in being exactly who you want to be for no one other than you. My favorite lyrics that always get me are when Lola sings: “The endless story of expectations wiring inside my mind, Wore me down, I came to a realization and i found a way to turn it around, To see, That I could just be me”

Watch

• How to know if it’s time to change careers - From the TED series, “The Way We Work”- Chieh Huang gives some solid advice and things to think about that make taking that leap to change your career feel a lot less terrifying.

• The Pursuit Of Happiness - Get out the tissues for this one. This might be one of the clearest demonstrations of the challenges and fear a person will encounter as they search for happiness.

• Brave - This Pixar film is one of my favorite examples of taking matters into your own hands to live the life that makes you happy despite what history or rules say that you should be. YOU get to decide your fate.

Read

• Who Moved My Cheese? - Written by Spencer Johnson, this story helps see the benefits of embracing change in our lives and not allowing fear to dictate the choices we make.

• A Kids Book About Failure - Sometimes the simplest ideas are the most thought provoking. This children’s book, written by Dr. Laymon Hicks, is a good way to remind anyone of any age that failure is nothing to be afraid of, and it is, you guessed it, part of growth.

• The Stars Beneath Our Feet - The story of a boy named Lolly and his journey forward after the death of his brother at the hands of gang violence. Penguin Random House describes this book perfectly in saying, “David Barclay Moore paints a powerful portrait of a boy teetering on the edge—of adolescence, of grief, of violence—and shows how Lolly’s inventive spirit helps him build a life with firm foundations and open doors.”