You Are Valuable: Mental Health Monthly
Author’s Note: Please note that I am not a mental health professional, and what I’ve written herein is not intended as a substitute for professional help. If you are feeling overwhelmed or lost, 60 Digital Resources for Mental Health may help you seek out professional resources to fit your specific needs.
I have a bad habit of believing in fantasies. Chalk it up to my love of all things fiction, but I grew up under the impression that life was a song in beautiful technicolor and always wrapped up with a happy ending. This belief in magic did not translate well into my adult years and the introduction of social media, depicting things I took at face value.
Yes. I am admitting that when I was younger, I was not aware that photo editing was being used not just to make an image more vibrant, but also to bend the truth. Unaware of this trickery, I began comparing what I had to what others had and feeling terrible about myself. Better jobs, houses, vacations. I kept feeling like what I had was not good enough and it never would be.
This was most egregious in the way I saw my body. It was clear what was getting attention and I was not it, although I felt like I needed to be. It began with a simple diet and exercise and became a powerful obsession. I was convinced that if only I were thinner, I would have a better life in every way. I spent six years over-exercising and under-eating, striving for a figure I would never achieve, because it doesn’t exist. This “journey toward happiness” transformed into an eating disorder and left me feeling even worse than when I began. As my sadness and frustration grew heavier, I began to reach out to close friends for support. I explained how upset it made me that I had been unsuccessful at reaching the physical appearance I was striving for. As I showed them reference photos of bodies I had been idolizing, they would say “But they don’t really look like that.” As if it was common knowledge. I began to realize I had missed a memo. And as I began to broaden my horizons to more realistic and positive corners of the internet, where truth was flowing and body positivity was apart of the conversation, I began to see the reality of the situation, as well as many other ways I’d been working toward an unrealistic expectation disguised as a “goal.” These days I am better at catching myself when I begin to believe false presentations, but my gaze still wanders and I find myself wondering if I will ever achieve my dreams the way I see others living theirs.
The act of observing the existence of those around us can become a toxic habit of self-comparison. It’s something we all do in one way or another and it can quickly begin to cloud your perception of yourself, convincing you that you are less than and lacking and, in time, damaging your self-worth and overall mental health. What you are comparing yourself to is most likely an image that has been perfectly curated, edited, and distorted into an unattainable version of reality.
Striving for a better life in one way or another is not a bad thing. Challenging yourself to aim higher and knowing that your dreams are possible is part of achieving success, but what we hope for in life may not be achieved in the way that we think. Our path does not have to match another person’s and we should not allow ourselves to be convinced that our experiences are any less significant or correct than someone else’s. Our path in life is as important and as valuable as we are. Every moment, good and bad, teaches us something about ourselves that forms who we are. And exactly who we are is all that we need to be. Hard work is important in achieving your dreams, but not at the expense of your mental or physical health. It is important to ask yourself WHY you are doing something. If the answer is anything other than “because it makes me happy,” it may be time to reevaluate.
We are constantly being bombarded with flash and fanfare that might make our own life seem comparatively dull and our aspirations feel impossible. We have to work to remind ourselves that with every story we encounter, we’re only privy to a portion of it. Something you are shielding from view out of insecurity or fear may be the same thing a person you admire is also keeping a secret. We are all striving to wake up each day and live a life we are happy with. Comparing your life and your experiences to others will leave you constantly feeling like something is missing, but if you put trust in yourself and strive for happiness, you will begin to see the abundance of good your own life has to offer.
I want to offer a few affirmations to help you break out of a pattern of self-comparison:
My life is my own
I don’t know their whole story
What feels right for me is the right decision
What makes me happy is valid and important
Every part of who I am is valuable
I don’t need to change who I am to please others
And here are a few things you might check out to find inspiration, new perspective, and to remind you that you are not the only one working to break this habit:
Listen
On Purpose with Jay Shetty- 7 Ways to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others- In this podcast episode, Jay Shetty offers ways to look past the illusions we see when we look at the lives of others and how to practice looking inward to find your strengths. This is SO good. So many new ways of thinking being offered here.
Lucky by Britney Spears- This song isn’t just an early 2000s banger, it shows that you never really know the whole story. Britney as a whole is a perfect example of this.
Who Knows? Podcast Season 3 Episode 11 "Social Media and YouTube" With The Magical Miranda-In this episode, Miranda discusses the work that she does on Instagram and YouTube and how she came to be a content creator. She offers perspective on the world of content creation and ways to stay inspired and authentic in your own work.
Watch
The Social Dilemma- A documentary that reveals the ways that social media has altered the way we think and how its existence and importance in our lives contributes to poor mental health.
13 Going on 30- Though you may never experience aging 17 years overnight, watching this feel good romantic fantasy will remind you that what you want may not be what it seems from an outside perspective.
Cultivating Unconditional Self-Worth | Adia Gooden- In this Ted Talk, Adia Gooden shares the power of self-worth and ways that you can begin to show up for yourself when things are difficult and life convinces us we are not enough.
Read
“Comparing Yourself to Others – Can It Ever Be Helpful?” – This article, written by Andrea Blundell for the Harley Therapy Counselling Blog, gives a lot of insight and different perspectives regarding the “social comparison theory.”
I'm Happy for You (Sort Of...Not Really): Finding Contentment in a Culture of Comparison By Kay Wills Wyma – In this book, the author shares her experience with self-comparison and offers advice based on how she and her family found their way to authenticity and joy.
“Social Media’s Impact On Self-Esteem” – This article, Scientist Clarissa Silva provides some research and discussion surrounding the danger of comparing yourself to the images presented on social media.
