You Deserve Rest: Mental Health Monthly
Author’s Note: Please note that I am not a mental health professional, and what I’ve written herein is not intended as a substitute for professional help. If you are feeling overwhelmed or lost, 60 Digital Resources for Mental Health may help you seek out professional resources to fit your specific needs.
For many, summer is all about fun, rest, relaxation, and taking a much-needed break. For some of us, this is as simple as kicking back on the beach, not a care in the world. For others, like myself, taking a break sounds terrifying. How am I supposed to not worry about anything? What if I forget to do something super important? And the big one: o I even deserve it? It’s a common belief that we must earn the right to rest. That there must be some amount of suffering or some number of achievements before we can relax guilt-free. But how much suffering must we go through before we earn a break? How many achievements before we deserve a rest? And why does it feel like the only alternative to working hard is being a lazy person?
This way of operating is nothing but a web of lies we’ve been fed by systems that came before us. We’ve constructed a world where it’s a badge of honor to work 80-hours with no lunch breaks and only 5 hours of sleep per night. Not enough people are talking about the pain caused by a lack of work-life balance and rest.
It’s even easier to fall into this trap when you are doing something you really enjoy or working to achieve a goal that means the world to you. I created a mental health podcast back in 2017 called Who Knows? that I have since begun growing into a mental health media company, producing content in every form to advocate for mental health. To say that I love and care about the work I do is an understatement. And you’d think someone with a business model based on encouraging others to take care of themselves would have broken a few bad habits by now, but I would be lying if I said I had it all figured out. Very recently, I had to do a major mental reset to prevent serious damage to so many parts of my life.
For anyone who has never heard it said plainly, or needs this validation, let me give it to you: starting and running your own business by yourself is REALLY HARD. It’s not JUST getting the work done. It’s staying organized, coming up with new ideas, creating every little thing, sending hundreds of emails, and a lot of failure and disappointment when things don’t go as you’d hoped.. Picking yourself up and trying again is a daily practice. And though it’s hard, you keep doing it because your dream means so much to you. You see SO clearly what your life could be if you just keep at it. A goal can be blinding.
For months, the thought of not working made me anxious. I felt like every second I wasn’t working on something in some way for Who Knows? was another moment of my future life dying. I woke up early and worked late. I had no interest in doing things like taking lunch or having down time. I was obsessed with doing everything I could to the nth degree in the hopes that something I did would be the “spark” that made my business an overnight success. I would spend hours on Instagram captions, do take after take of video and audio content to make it just right. And if something I put out there did not gain the response that I’d hoped it would, I would crash into a wave of sadness for days. When I washed ashore, I would proceed to just do it all over again. I was choosing to ignore the fact that I was hurting myself. I didn’t want to believe that I needed a break because I felt like I hadn’t DONE anything yet. I couldn’t see any of the small achievements I had made as worth anything. I wanted to feel like I had done something BIG.
As I write this I laugh because what does that even mean? Why is there such an obsession with being BIG and having MORE? It must be one of the worst illusions out there.
As I was chasing The Big and The More and slowly killing myself daily (there is a ton of research about the effects on your overall quality of life from being overworked that can result in serious medical damage) I was also unknowingly hurting those around me by being a person who was constantly tired and angry and sad all the time. It took my partner coming to me with tears in his eyes explaining how unloved and depressed he was feeling because of the energy I brought to our relationship and that lived in our home every day. He practically begged me to stop doing this to myself and our family.
That was a moment I couldn’t ignore. There was no denying that I needed to face the fact that I was overworked, severely under-appreciating the things that I had accomplished (fundraising for my new business, successfully growing my social media reach, trying new forms of content just to name a few), and most egregious of all, I had completely abandoned those that I loved and missing the value in moments of joy I could be having with them. Someone who loves me had to step in and remind me that I was not loving myself or seeing any of the good that I already had around me. And they were 100% right.
I want so badly to see the name “Who Knows?” up in lights —for the world to see the value in talking about our feelings, loving ourselves and those around us, and to understand the importance of mental health in all our lives. But for that to happen, I’ve realized the most important thing I can do is practice what I preach. I have to make the changes within myself to see them manifest in the world the way I dream they will.
It’s not always easy. The impulse to “just keep going” can be overwhelming. But the fight to remember to rest is one worth fighting. We have got to continue to support the ideas of the value of rest. Not just after a hard workout, or a long day at the office, but to simply rest because it is needed.
It’s awesome to aspire to achieve your biggest dreams, but make those dreams happen, you must be there for them. Mentally, physically, emotionally. All those energies will run out no matter how hard you might want to work. So, take the breaks when you can. And if you are a person striving just to get by, I don’t care if all you did was get out of bed this morning, you deserve to rest every day of the week. You are doing things that take a lot of strength.
I could truly talk about this subject for days on end. It’s one that I have my ups and downs with, but each time I come back to it and write things like this, I’m reminded of how gravely important it is to turn away from the systems that make us feel unworthy of rest. We must hold tight to the fact that who we are, in all its goodness. We must remember that we have constant worth, born from simply being on this planet. We are allowed to feel joy, have love, and enjoy well-deserved rest and relaxation EVERY day.
Life may still seem a little scary these days, but you should stick around for it. There are moments of your life that need you and people that want to have fun with you and see you smile. Taking the time to rest gives the stamina to be present for each moment of your life. And while every moment has something to offer, the moments that make you happy are front running. Let yourself enjoy them. You DO deserve it.
I want to offer a few affirmations for when you need a reminder of the importance of rest and your deserving of it:
There is more to life than what’s on my to-do list
Moments of joy are valuable and needed
If I don’t like it, I don’t have to keep doing it
Slowing down does not make me weak
I’m allowed to have fun no matter how much work I’ve done
Rest does not need to be earned, it’s a need
In the spirit of relaxing, enjoying and understanding the essential need for rest, here are a few things to check out to learn and remember why rest is important or just to enjoy simply because:
Listen
Who Knows? Podcast Season 1 Episode 2 “Work-Life Balance” with Jason Romney: In this episode, Jason shares how he has found ways to maintain a career that you deem successful without getting burned out and a personal or family life that you are present for.
Lord of the Rings-The Shire Music and Ambience: I love to listen to ambience loops while I am relaxing around the house. This is one of my go-to favorites for a day of baking and drinking tea or playing a game with friends.
This spotify playlist titled “Grinding in a Sweaty High School Cafeteria”: Need a playlist packed with throwbacks and certified bangers that you can just let loose to and shake it like the old days? This will serve you, guaranteed.
Watch
The Office: I feel like I barely even need to explain this one. If you need a good laugh or even just some background comfort for some cooking or crafting, The Office will always be there for you. And a few of the seasons are free on Peacock!
Never Have I Ever: Funny, Heartfelt, SUPER bingeable teen Dramedy filled with love, heartbreak, and characters that are so loveable. The story surrounds an Indian-American girl who has been through a lot recently and is just trying to find a way to make herself feel good and stand out in the middle of the treacherous waters of high school.
Saved By The Bell Season 2 Episode 9: Jessie’s Song: This iconic episode of this even more iconic 90’s sitcom will remind you that pushing yourself too hard is just really not worth it. Even if it seems a little silly or campy the way it’s played out in the sitcom world, what Jessie goes through in this episode is so real even today.
Read
A Series of Unfortunate Events: Though it has unfortunate in the title, these books are a great throwback to the days when the mystery and the antics of the three Baudelaire orphans had you hanging on the edge of your seat. I personally love to turn to nostalgia when I need to find some relaxation. So if you have a favorite book you haven't read in a long time, maybe pick it up again and see if it holds up!
“Avoid the Burn” by Susan M. Willson: The American Psychological Association is one of the sources I used when writing my master's thesis about burnout. This article is a brief overview of the importance of addressing symptoms of burnout and a few ways to do so, written by a professional.
“Are you burned out?” By Rebecca A. Clay: This is another piece from the American Psychological Association that goes into a bit more detail on the subject of burnout and also gives a lot of information on the importance of taking care of yourself and ways to do so. It even references the Maslach Burnout Inventory, which is the gold standard of research on burnout.
